Running Out of Time

I have a very busy schedule like most young professionals living in the city. I can't blame anyone because I was the one who chose this life in the first place. I want a lot of things - I want to be rich and successful, etc. But all those aspirations come with a lot of sacrifices. Unfortunately, that includes time.

I'm really exhausted. It feels like I no longer have control over my own life. It has to comply with my work, my school, my family, my friends, and relationships, with everything.

Am I just making excuses? Do I want another escape?

I'm tired of chasing my dreams. As soon as I wake up every single morning, I need to get hurry so I won't be late for work. My weekend is also always full of errands. I no longer have time for myself.

Lord,

I'm probably just overthinking because I'm tired and I seriously need a break. I'm exhausted. I've been chasing success for a long time and it feels like I still have a long way to go. 

Lord, I think I'm already losing myself. I'm giving a lot to the people around me and yet I'm starving myself of the break that I deserve.

Lord, help me realize my purpose. I'm probably just overwhelmed with all the things around me. I don't want to quit. I just want a break.

Amen.

The Giving Me

I noticed something different in me these days. I'm seeing myself now less of a kuripot and more of a giver.

I now give tips whenever I get excellent service. I remember the last time I had my hair cut, I gave a tip to the barber not because I got peer pressured by the other clients in that shop but because I liked his service. And then earlier, I bought the doughnuts that my brother tagged me on Facebook. I thought he would like it.

I'm starting to see how the Lord slowly changed me. Before, I always refuse to give tips and even buy pasalubong all because they're  not in my budget. I was struggling with my finances back then so I had to make sure that I'm spending every single centavo on my bills and other obligations.

Now, I think I have some extra money that I can now freely share with the people I valued so much.

Lord,

Thank You for showering me with so many blessings that I can now share it with my loved ones. I'm very much grateful for making me realize how blessed I am.

Thank You, Lord, for guiding me to this path. I never thought I'd be a giver after going through financial struggles in 2016.

Help me, Lord, to be more giving as I experience the fullness of Your love and care. And, enlighten me whenever I'm starting to become the person I used to be.

Amen.

Expectation x Disappointment

You get disappointed because of your expectations. But, isn’t expecting inevitable? I guess, we just really have to learn how to embrace disappointments as part of our lives.

Lord, 

 Help me to overcome this. Guide me to be the person you’d want me to be when confronted with disappointments. 

 Amen

2018: This will be a Good Year

Lord, thank you for the great year of 2017. I was able to accomplish a lot of things. It's true that you don't get everything that you've wished for but it still felt so good that I got to cross some items on my to-do list.

While I started 2017 with a very positive attitude, I was struggling to keep it all throughout the year because of too many commitments.

I got promoted to unit head in our religious community early last year and was immediately assigned to do several tasks such as leading our Christian Life Program that ran for three months and heading our chapter to our regional conference in Naga City. It all went fine but the journey was not that easy especially that I have two jobs.

Speaking of jobs, 2017 marked my new chapter in the corporate world as I jumped from one bank to another. I was so excited to explore my new work as I was among the pioneers in our team. My bosses are all supportive and I get along well with my colleagues.

Due to several commitments, I didn't get to spend more hours teaching in my part-time job. I still retained it as I don't want to burn bridges with the company that gave me a chance when I was struggling financially.

Also, I was able to go back to school. After seven years, I finally got the chance to enroll for a master's degree. I am now in my second term. The whole degree will run for two years, three semesters each.

I was able to religiously hear Sunday masses (except last Christmas where I missed the schedule of the mass in our church in the province). Still, I'm happy that I'm always being led to a church every Sunday.

I celebrated Christmas in Leyte, my mother's hometown. I'm thinking of making it a family tradition to go to our province every December. For the first time as well, our family was complete when we welcome the new year.

In my romantic life, I finally met her. She said yes on her birthday as well. We were together when I went to Cebu, her hometown. We've been to several places as well. Hopefully, we get to travel a lot as a couple this 2018.

For 2018, I really hope that I will be able to explore new things. I'm already 30 but that won't hinder me from doing something new. I want this year to be a year of exploration for me. I will try to make no limitations.

I want to learn how to play a guitar, to swim, to have a regular exercise, to travel more, to save and invest more, to do more acts of charity and to blog more.

2018, please be good to me.

Lord,

I really appreciate all the blessings that you have showered last year. Thank you as well for the challenges as I was able to realize a lot of things after going through it. 

Let me be the person You want me to be this year. I know it's going to be even harder but with You beside me, I believe that I'll make it.

Amen.

Fear of Failure

I had a training back in April. I don't think I find it difficult then because I would've remembered my struggles. It's safe to assume that I might've taken it lightly. That training has a certification exam that you need to take for a certain period of time. I have been trying to review but I probably did not put more value on it. I was forced to take the exam yesterday and I failed.

There were so many factors that contributed to this failure and I can't stop myself overthinking.

First, the preparation. I have eight months since I had the training to review and prepare but I didn't. I was given a lot of resources to read but I only touched them whenever I feel like reading. This attitude alone should've hinted me that I will definitely fail this exam.

Second, trust and insecurities. I have so many trust issues and insecurities in life. I don't believe in myself. I always compare myself to others. I have a fear of failure. The moment that the training was over, I did not take my review seriously probably because I won't be taking it in the first place for fear of failing it. But I have to. Our company paid for that training and I need to at least do my part.

Third, my attitude. Above all the other factors, it's still my attitude towards the exam that would matter. Have I been so positive about it, I would've prepared for it a long time ago. I would've prioritized it over other things. I would've asked for prayer warriors. But, I hide it from everyone. I was so afraid that if I fail, people would judge me.

It's over. I will now have to prepare for the next phase of it. Should I go for a retake? If yes, then I should know by now how not to fail again.

Lord,

I know I've been praying for this since I took the training. You know that I'm afraid of failure. You know that I have so low self-esteem. Yet You still allowed this to happen. :(

I'm not blaming You though. I know that You've done Your part. And that I failed because I didn't do mine. 

Or probably You let this happen to teach me another lesson - that I should learn how to look at failures from a different perspective.

Or maybe You wanted me to realize how bad I was in treating people days before the exam. I know, I was rude to a lot of them. I was so stressed that I really wanted to isolate myself but I can't because that's part of the challenge. 

Help me, Lord, to stand up again. I think I'm okay now but the moment that this topic will be brought up again, I'm pretty sure it would change my mood 180 degrees. 

Lord, all I want is to be happy and satisfied. Guide me to that path. Life's giving us so many options that it's really confusing me. Enlighten me, Lord.

It's already Christmas. It should've been me giving You a present. I'm selfish. I'm sorry, Lord. :(

Amen.

Rejoice. Pray. Give Thanks.

Just a week ago, I sent an email to my colleagues detailing their mistakes in our daily reports. I was the one in charge doing the weekly report that's why I get to see the lapses that my officemates tend to overlook. I had a feeling that they took it negatively and I really can't blame them. I'm a jerk.

Last Sunday, the priest focused his sermon on this verse: 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Rejoice always. Pray unceasingly. In all circumstances, give thanks.”

That mass made me realized how wrong I was in sending that email. I started asking myself questions and forcing myself to answer each.

The priest told us that no matter how bad our situation is, always look for the good side of it because there will always be. If you're having a hard time, pray unceasingly. Be appreciative every single second.

Lord,

Thank you for making me realize that. I started my day in the office earlier positively. I tried to do all my tasks without looking for someone else's mistakes. I tried to focus myself on what I need to accomplish today rather than how I can teach my colleagues by letting them know where they failed.

Humble me, Lord, as I take on this challenge. I know it will be hard because I'm not usually the positive guy but I'm pretty sure that day-by-day, you will guide me through my transition. 

Amen.

Surprised Recognition

Sharing the status I posted on Facebook:

My story started exactly January of 2017. I didn’t know anyone here prior to joining so I really started establishing relationships from scratch. Being an introvert, it would’ve been a struggle but our team is so accommodating that you’ll easily feel at home.

I am so grateful to have very supportive bosses. I’ve been working for almost a decade and I would say that I’m lucky to have a mentor, a friend and a critic all rolled into each one of them. I’ve learned so much from you and will continue to look up to all of you as I take on new challenges and opportunities. You’re both instrumental as well in my continuous improvement.

To my teammates and colleagues who always try to make every single day a joke time no matter how serious our work is, thank you! I was wrong to think that we always need to be serious in this industry. With all your positivities, who would’ve thought that we can be productive without stressing ourselves too much. I’m sorry for being your complete opposite though - the serious and boring one. Lol! I’m closing 2017 (I know it’s not even Christmas yet but who cares? Lol!) with high hopes. Thank you for the recognition. I truly appreciate it. 

Lord,

You surprised me today. I was really not expecting that. Thank you!

I know I did a lot of things at work. There were times that it feels like I'm not getting any credits but You still encouraged me to go on. There were times that I wanted to quit because I feel like I'm not being valued but You never let me quit. It was You who gave me the perseverance to continue running my race. And now, this.

Thank you, Lord, for believing in me and for your gifts of talent and wisdom.

Help me, Lord, to continue to be humble. Allow me to honor You for my every victory. Teach me how to be generous and share your blessings with those around me.

Amen.