Good News. Bad News.

The Good News. 

Over the weekend, I was so preoccupied thinking about the scholarship that I got myself into. I had to finish the first part of it on or before May 21st, Monday. The thing is, I was still in the first chapter of a 14-chapter module. How am I going to finish everything in just a short span of time?

It was my fault. I'm not a big fan of procrastination but I often find myself in it. And on every single time, I always blame myself for being so lazy.

Since it was so hopeless, I seriously prayed last Sunday for a miracle. That there might be some other way that could help me get past this.

In the wee hours of Monday, I rushed to complete all the chapter exams of the module. Luckily, I was able to pass all 14. But there are also 14 labs that need to be submitted. I was so tired and sleepy that time so I decided to email my sponsor if it's possible to have the timeline extended. Then, I went to bed.

As soon as I wake up, I got surprised to know that there was no deadline to begin with. The email reads "There are no deadlines. Those are guidelines to keep you on track. You will not be dropped from the program. You will have access to the material until Aug 2."

Prayers really do work. Who would've thought that I'll have more time to review and complete the program, right? I was already about to give up. I was about to accept that I failed this one again. But, the Lord is seemed to be so persistent in giving me another chance. I should not let him down this time.

The Bad News.

Just when I was about to end my day, I received a bad news. It's about one of my business partners in our recently established startup consultancy company. He's going to leave us. He's accepting an offer from one of our professors in the graduate school.

I was kind of expecting that he'll be going to accept the offer. That's a pretty good deal. I would've accepted that too. But, coming from the other side of the line, a part of me was really hoping that he'll still choose us. But, he didn't.

We parted in good terms. But, that was an emotional rollercoaster. We all tried to lighten things up. Slowly, I've started to realize that this business venture is bound to fail because the very person who engaged us to be here in the first place is already gone.

I don't know why I'm being optimistic these days but I still managed to accept the fact that he's gone and that we should all move forward because business is business.

I really like this new attitude inside me. It's not like I'm always positive. I'm beginning to see things in the brighter perspective. I'm not sure why it's happening but this is definitely a good sign.

Lord,

I have failed you a thousand times and yet you still gave me another chance. I know that I am not worthy of these blessings but I hope that I'll be able to glorify You as I take on this path.

You were there when I was stuck thinking how I should move forward. You were listening to all my prayers when I channeled there all my wishes and dreams. I couldn't be more grateful for Your guidance and wisdom. 

Thank You for making me realize how lucky I am despite all the bad news that I'm receiving every day. For keeping me cool and optimistic. I appreciate Your patience by always reaching out to me whenever I feel like being lost. 

Amen.

Expectation x Disappointment

You get disappointed because of your expectations. But, isn’t expecting inevitable? I guess, we just really have to learn how to embrace disappointments as part of our lives.

Lord, 

 Help me to overcome this. Guide me to be the person you’d want me to be when confronted with disappointments. 

 Amen

On Expectations and Disappointments

As much as I don't want to, I'd still get disappointed. It's not only the unmet expectations but also the trust that was just easily thrown out of the window. Why? I really want to know why people do that?

If you can't commit, then don't. I know how hard it is to go through the process but you have to decide. You just can't say yes and then just leave the rest of the team hanging when the road gets tough. That's so irresponsible. That's so immature.

I know I'm ranting again but I just can't help it. Once? Twice? How many times am I going to let all your excuses cover your lapses?

Partly, it's my fault. I trusted you. And I continued to trust you even after your first mistakes. I did not confront you believing that you'd change. That you'd realize that I'm kind enough not to blame you for all the mess that I keep on covering up.

I hope and pray that you would realize how important it is to value your relationship with the people around you specially those who trusted  and believed in you.

Lord,

I know that I'm bringing back that old me who just keeps on ranting every single moment. Forgive me if I just have to let this out. I can't help it. I can't confront that person for I know I'd probably say things that I would regret in the end. I want to control myself. I want to let this out without hurting anyone. I know that I'm just hurting myself more. I completely understand that. But I've ran out of options.

Let me be the person you'd want me to be now, right at this very moment, when my emotions are unstable and my brain's just keep on running back and forth. Help me conquer this battle. Lead me to the path you'd want me to take.

Amen.