Visita Iglesia 2018

Holy Week in the Philippines is widely celebrated not only because we are predominantly a Catholic nation but also because this means long vacation. Most in the metro would be leaving to their respective provinces to reunite with their loved ones. Some families have traditions that they follow during this season while others take this opportunity to go out of town. I, on the other hand, was able to experience both last Maundy Thursday. Together with my girlfriend, we were able to do Visita Iglesia (Church Visit) in Pampanga, a province in Central Luzon.

Personally, this was my second time to do Visita Iglesia. Our family is not religious so we don't have such tradition like any other Catholic families. However, since I spent most of my college life in CFC-Youth for Christ (YFC), I got to experience how it is to do this widely followed Catholic tradition. We literally walked around Manila and visited various churches to pray. That was also my first time to tour around Manila.

Anyway, as we were heading to Pampanga, we had to endure the 4.5 hours of traffic in North Luzon Expressway (NLEX). That was my first time to experience an EDSA-like Carmageddon but we were cool enough to let it pass by singing in the car. That was really fun!

As soon as we arrived at the first of the seven churches, we prayed. My girlfriend prepared a personalized booklet that served as our guide to our Visita Iglesia. Compared to my first experience, this one made an impact on me. I think that's because of the reflections that came with each prayer as we recite the Stations of the Cross. It's probably just me being a deep person but this whole Visita Iglesia experience gave me that sense of purpose. It made me realize the importance of this Holy Week.

We were able to tour around Pampanga specifically in Lubao (St. Augustine Parish Church), Guagua (Immaculate Concepcion Parish Church and Betis Church), Bacolor (San Guillermo Parish Church), Santa Rita (Santa Rita Church), San Fernando (Metropolitan Cathedral of St. Ferdinand) and Apalit (St. Paul Parish). The whole Visita Iglesia experience only took us around four hours. I know the travel was even more time consuming but I personally think that it was worth it.

More than the beach escapade that others spent their time with this week, I personally think that what we did was more worthwhile. I'm not judging them by their preference though. Summer is officially here and a long vacation like this one is a good opportunity to escape our obligations at work or in school. May we all realize that we're not merely using this long vacation for our own personal getaways but also for our own personal reflections.

Lord,

Thank You for letting me experience this. I never thought that this would be this fun and meaningful. While it was really tiring, it was also inspiring and self-satisfying. It made me feel whole again.

Also, thank You, Lord, for the gift of my relationship. I would've not experienced this without her. Her patience and love for me assured me that she's my answered prayer. She's a living testament to my prayers.

Amen.

Big Boss

At work, I've been feeling a little down. I no longer have the same enthusiasm as I had a couple of months ago. I probably lost it because of my colleagues. I realized that they're not the same people I thought they were. Their real personalities have started to show now. Or, probably it's just the typical office politics and I'm just not into playing it. I can't stand people who treat you nice when you're together but are doing exactly the opposite when you're not around.

Earlier this morning, I learned that my big boss, the very person that I look up to and would really like to be my mentor, is leaving. He's now rendering his last thirty days in the office. I was so shocked. I thought it was just an early April Fool's joke. I don't know. I just really didn't see this coming.

He's migrating to Australia along with his family. It wasn't really about our company. It was more of a personal decision. He doesn't have any grudges against our company. As a matter of fact, he's giving us tips on how to survive on our own like dealing with certain executives. So, why am I so affected?

I've been thinking about resigning too. Like him, it wasn't about the company. Resignation is a personal choice, yes, but this was triggered because of the people around me. I felt like I don't belong to this group anymore. I wanted to stay but my personality just doesn't jive with the rest of our team.

Anyway, my big boss' resignation made me realize that nothing is really constant. He's able to establish himself in the company. He's already good. He's being respected by everyone and remained down to earth. He knows how to handle our team. I really didn't find any signs that he'd soon leave us. But, then again, there are people who know how to keep a secret. He's one of them.

I'm not sad nor heartbroken like this post may sound like. I'm confused. If he who seemed so happy with his current position is resigning, should I do the same? How come he's able to manage this plan without giving us a single clue that he's leaving soon? How can I do that too?

Lord,

I know You have Your plans for all of us. You can see everything. You are in control of everything. This might further confuse me but I believe that this is part of Your greater plan. 

Help me to be patient so I can wait for no matter how long it would take me to realize the beauty of Your plans. 

Continue to bless my big boss all the blessings that he deserves. He's such a good guy. Help him to inspire more people like me to do good in our chosen careers. 

Amen.

Cold Shoulder

I'm not sure if I'm just being overly sensitive or what but I kind of feel like I'm being given a cold shoulder.  I don't know why. I was actually trying to reach out because it's been a long time since we had a personal conversation.

We're not really that close. She's the girlfriend of the person whom I consider my best friend. I'm trying to still make a communication because I don't want to lose them. I still value them. Yes, I'm that kind of person because I don't have a lot of close friends. She's important to my best friend so I also value her as much as I value him.

Ok, she might just be so busy with her business. I'm actually so happy for her that she gets to do the thing that she's very passionate about. Are my actions coming off as something I did not intend it to be? I'm just genuinely trying to reach out, that's all. So, why does it feel like she's pushing me away?

Lord,

I know that I can be so sensitive that I'm overreacting. She might not just be giving me a cold shoulder. I'm probably just putting some meaning to it. I really don't know how to interpret her signals. Should I stop my attempts to reconnect with them? Should I end my relationship with the only person that I can consider my best friend?

Enlighten me, Lord, if I'm being blinded once again by my emotions. I constantly need guidance knowing that I'm so special. Help me understand what are these emotions and allow me to convert these to something useful.

Amen.

Depression and Unnecessary Stress

It's been two days that I've locked myself in my room. I told my boss that I'm not feeling well. To be honest, I was not sick. I'm very much healthy. It's just that I don't feel like I'm really ok.

My girlfriend said I'm showing signs of depression. That struck me. Am I depressed? And what's causing me to be depressed? Is it work? But my workload isn't that much. Is it school? It could be, but since I was not that busy at work, I have a lot of time to spend doing my academic deliverables. Is it my relationship with her or my family? I don't think so. Both are good. What is it really then?

I'm not sure why am I like going through depression. Of course, I don't want to conclude that this is really depression. It's probably not. But what is it really bothering me that it's already affecting my work?

I remember my officemates these past few days noticing that I looked very sad. Could it be because I'm not getting the attention that I wanted at work? I know that I'm holding some grudges towards my boss because he seemed to favor my colleagues over me. Was it really it?

I need to know the cause of this unnecessary stress so I could control myself if I'm starting to go through the same path again. And I won't be able to 'cure' this thing if I don't even know what's making me feel this way.

Lord,

Help me understand this. Why am I feeling like I'm on my worst? I can still smile. I can still laugh. But there's something in me now that's making me sad without any reason at all. There has to be one.

I know that holding grudges is bad but sometimes I feel like it was the best thing that I can do so I won't verbally or physically hurt anyone. If that's what's causing this mental and emotional sickness that I'm going through now, guide me to find my real purpose because I'm most likely getting off track. Help me realize that it's not about the recognition and title that I should value the most, that it's all about the quality of work and relationships that should always matter.

Amen.

Mixed Emotions

Just before we end our class earlier, our professor gave out all our deliverables for his subject. I got mixed emotions. Apart of me got excited because that would mean more opportunities for me to learn about this subject. But I can't just ignore the fact that I also got nervous if I'd be able to accomplish everything within the given timeline.

To be honest, I was not that busy at work this past couple of days. Most of the time, I was just busy doing my case study. Well, my bosses are all supportive of my studies so they're really okay with it so long as I'm able to finish all my tasks at work which I believe I'm able to do.

I still have a lot to learn and I'm so excited to go to school every Saturday. I always look forward to new learnings. But the thing is, I'm afraid of failures. And everytime that I feel like I'm not that good enough yet, I overthink to the point that I'm losing my interest in the subject.

Lord, 

I know that you've given me wisdom, intelligence, and talent. I know that I'm gifted. Help me to realize my worth so I can confidently show to the world all the blessings that you have showered upon me; not to brag it but to be a testament of a true believer.

Continue to lead me, Lord, to the direction where you want me to be. With all the distractions in this world, walk me to the path that would teach me to become the person you want me to be.

Amen.