Insomnia x Overthinking

I can't sleep. It's already 2:30AM as of this writing and I have a shift later at 6AM. I don't really have time left to sleep. I don't feel like sleeping as well.

I don't know if it's because of the #Hugot playlist in Spotify that I'm currently playing or my inner self is probably complaining about having this morning shift when it's used to staying up late. I don't really have a choice. My work requires being in a rotating shift.

I like this company though. Except for the rotating schedule, I like the working environment - my teammates, the workload, my bosses and even the benefits. I just really have to adjust to the schedule and the usual office kulitan that an introvert like me often find stressful primarily because I don't feel like we're all on the same wavelength. But I laugh at their jokes. They're really creative in pulling off some jokes.

While I like this job, I also have my own share of resignation blues. The other day, I was asking myself for any possible reasons that I would resign and I managed to answer it with salary. Maybe because I'm pressured. I feel like I should be earning more. But, I also feel like I don't deserve it yet because I still lack skills.

Or, I would probably resign if I don't get promoted after say two years. Again, the reason is that I feel like I deserve it. But then again, I have to earn it. The thing is, two years is two years. Will I last that long? It's almost my first year anniversary though.

If I get an offer from abroad particularly Dubai, I would most likely resign. I haven't applied for any jobs abroad though. I don't know how and where should I start. Or maybe because I'm halfhearted?

Historically, all of my past resignations can be attributed to my bosses. If I don't feel like I'm being valued or supported by my immediate supervisors, that would be a huge reason for me to move out. I need to feel that I have value for the company.

But I'm kind of unpredictable when it comes to decisions. It won't be a surprise if all of a sudden I decide to resign. I have that tendency. Being an overthinker makes me see and feel things far from the future.

It's past 3AM now. I will end this here.

Lord,

I know I have so many things running through my mind. I feel like I'm a slave to my own problems and worries. Help me to overcome them. Guide me to face each of these trials so I won't just easily quit. 

While You allow me to experience the life that I chose to have, show me the path to the life that You have written for me. Make me realize that Your plans are better than mine. 

I need peace of mind, Lord. Give me the comfort and calm that I think I badly need these days. 

Amen.