Hair loss.

So, I went to Svenson to avail of the free consultation regarding my thinning and receding hairline. This has been my problem for more than two years now and it’s seriously affecting my confidence. I’m happy that I’m finally doing something to overcome this. But I was quoted more than Php50,000. Kaya ko pa ba talaga ‘to? 😞 Ang hirap maging mahirap. 😞

I know for a fact that I'm getting older but I'm just in my early 30s. Why does it have to be me?

Growing up, I was always that kid that easily gets bullied. I've had issues within me blaming myself for allowing to be bullied, for being so kind, so understanding, so forgiving, to the point that people were abusing me. I was so ashamed of myself for being so weak.

But I also believe that I'm not ugly. I just don't know how to work on my looks to make me attractive. I know that I'm weird and have an attitude which makes people's impression of me looks entirely negative.

I consider college my prime years. I was surrounded by people who influenced me with some good taste. I wasn't maporma but at least I wasn't as baduy as I was in my teenage years.

So, when my looks started to deteriorate because of hair loss, I was so afraid that I'd lose that small confidence that I've started to build. Why so sudden? I haven't fully enjoyed the benefits of having the good looks.

I'm working so hard trying to achieve my dreams. But along the process, I forgot to take care of myself. Now, I have to consider paying a hefty price just so I could redeem my lost crown.

Should I go for it? Kaya ko pa ba talaga dagdagan ang mga bayarin ko?

Lord,

Am I really trying to solve this problem? Or am I just complicating things again? It wasn't like an urgent need to look good. I've been wanting to bring back my prime days. Pero parang hopeless na. Now, that there's a chance, ang mahal mahal pa!

Should I go for this, Lord? Are you trying to test me again? If I'll give this up, will I be able to accept the reality that I'm going to get bald earlier than those of my batchmates?  If I give this a chance, will You provide me with more resources to pay for this?

Help me discern, Lord!

Amen!

Crazy Over Money

Last Thursday morning, just when I was about to leave, I got surprised to see that an MMDA ticket was on my car's windshield. It suddenly dawned on me that it was already past 8 in the morning and that the MMDA personnel who were doing their usual rounds already passed by our street. I know it was my fault but it did change my mood that day.

Fast forward today, I googled the corresponding penalties written in my MMDA ticket. There wasn't any amount indicated but there were codes associated with the supposed violations. Upon checking on their website, it totaled around P3,150. I was really surprised!

I don't know about other people but money could really turn me from being the happiest guy on earth to being the saddest. For me, that P3,150 could do a lot. It felt so disappointing. I'm blaming myself for waking up late that day.

I know that I could've just shrugged it off and move forward but I really can't help but overthink. I tend to compute the number of hours that I will be spending in my part-time job just to earn that much.

And just when I thought that things couldn't get worse, Metrobank, the only bank where I could pay the violations, said that they stopped accepting payments for MMDA tickets since December of last year. Now, I only have Bayad Center or SM Payment Center to pay the penalties but hopefully, they haven't stopped processing MMDA tickets too. What a day!

Lord,

I know I'm not perfect. Help me to properly process this negative emotion that all of a sudden gets into me whenever I encounter money problems. Help me be creative enough to channel this emotion to more meaningful ways. 

Amen.

An Answered Prayer

I'm broke. I have so many bills to pay that my salary can barely cover them every month. While I'm also saving and investing, I just find my current situation a financial burden. What makes it worse is that I can't even provide for my family when they ask for help.

I know I had to do something. If it needs me to look for a higher paying job, I will do so. If I need to get a part time job again, I'll take it. I will do whatever it takes just to get out of this mess.

And so I applied for over a dozen of part time jobs online. Got interviewed multiples times. Most of these jobs would require me to spend at least a month of a whole day training which is impossible for me knowing that I have a full time job as well. I need a flexible part time job. Something that would complement with the current schedule that I have.

I got one back in May. I signed the contract and is ready to take the one week whole day training but on my first day, I did not report. I decided not to pursue it anymore as I could still manage my finances back then. Still, I knew then that the next few months would be even tougher. Why did I declined that part time job knowing that I would struggle for the next few months without it? I was just overly confident that I could still make it. And that's precisely the problem here.

It's always been 'I'. I can do this. I can make this work. I can be successful someday. I forgot that someone up there is helping me throughout my journey. I forgot that He's giving me opportunities every single day and I just either ignore or reject them because I was so full of myself that I can manage these things all by myself.

Last week, I went to my bank to redeem my investments. That was my last option if things are getting uglier. While I withdrew my investment at a time when its market value is way higher than the previous months, it just makes me feel sad that I had to do that. I really don't want to touch that money. I've been saving for the past couple of years and now, I'm liquidating it just so I could pay my bills. I was so heartbroken.

Matthew 7:7-8 Ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened. For everyone who asks, receives; whoever seeks, finds; and the door will be opened to him who knocks.

But, our God is a generous God. He did not let me be totally broke. I still have a full time job. And, I now have a part time job as well that would help me get back on track. I just signed the contract earlier.

I was so relieved that I can now start building what I have just lost. I believe it's not yet late to start a new investment. This is just a new beginning.

Lord,

Thank you for this blessing. I know I've been selfish and yet you still blessed me with so many things. I will do my best to improve my skills so I could keep this job for as long as You will. I will continue to serve You and be a living testament as to how generous You are to the people who believe in You.

Amen.