Resignation.

Chasing your dreams is exhausting and emotionally draining. It costs a lot. For me, it costs me my full time job.

I just finished writing my resignation letter. It wasn't a generic one like most exiting employees would probably write. Mine was very detailed. I made sure that whoever reads it, they would understand why I left the job.

I should be very sad right now. I won't have a steady flow of income anymore starting next month. I'm still struggling financially so this news should've been heartbreaking. Surprisingly, it wasn't.

I'm still concerned about where I'm going to get money to pay my bills. I don't have a new company to transfer to. How am I going to survive?

However, writing that resignation letter made me proud of myself. I felt so decided to leave. It's as if it wasn't me writing it.

I'm very indecisive so the fact that I was able to decide that I'm quitting my job there without any hesitations at all is a great development. It means that I have really thought it over.

Lord,

I'm talking to You again to let You know of this new challenge that I'm facing. Was this a punishment for my rude behavior towards my loved ones a couple of days ago? 

My future looks all the more blurry now that I don't have a full time job. But, I trust Your plans. I will trust Your beautiful plans for me.

Amen.

On Making Wise Decisions Daily

Proverbs 19:21 Plans abound in the human heart but only Yahweh's purpose will be realized.

I'm starting to lose it again. I really can't handle stress and am such an emotionally unstable dude. I know I've been here several times and I still don't know how to control myself. I'm hopeless!

I'm almost 30. Yikes! While I can't argue with some people that I look way older than my age, I still can't confirm if I personally have improved over time in terms of maturity. I'm an adult now. I've got my own set of responsibilities. Yet, I'm not sure if I'm doing well with handling these responsibilities. All I know is that my life's a mess. I don't have a goal, a direction in mind.

I really don't know what to do with my life. I'm so confused.

Sometimes I envy the people who don't have much responsibilities. The ones who just rely with their parents or siblings to live. All they have to do is wait while I have to work hard every single day.

There's this viral video in Facebook that tells about the meaning of the song Row your boat. Watch it below:

This one actually hit me.

You choose how to see life. Every morning when you wake up, you can either say: Good morning, God! or Good God, morning.

I know that this is God's message for me today. That I have options on how I should see my life. I can choose to be happy in the same way that I can choose to be miserable. Yet, I always chose to be miserable.

Lord,

I know that you always talk to me. I know that you're there every single second of my life. I know that you witness all my decisions and that I keep on disappointing you because I always choose to be sad. I always choose to worry and overthink.

I don't know why you created me to be like this, Lord. I'm not normal. I know that. I can see how different I am. I know that you consider me special. Whatever plan you have for me, Lord, help me understand that. Because right now, I'm very much confused. Things are just really blurry ahead.

Lord, I know that you have the best plan for my life. Fill my heart with the desire to fulfill it. To experience your best plan. To enjoy the best life you've reserved for me.

Thank you, Lord, for always listening to me - through my unspoken words and whispers of my heart.

Amen.