Of Happiness and Overthinking

In today's homily, Rev. Fr. Jun Sescon, Jr. of Greenbelt Chapel asked us What makes you happy? The question is very timely. It really got me thinking.

Last week, I was kind of discouraged not because of my new job nor with my new officemates. It was more of an internal thing. I was just overthinking again.

I'm comparing myself to someone in the office. We're of the same age but in terms of position, she's ahead of me. She's the boss of my boss. She has a good track record - got master's degree and graduated from UP. In terms of personality, she's very outgoing and oozing with confidence. She really deserves all the achievements that she's enjoying now.

I'm happy for her. Yes, I envy her but that doesn't mean that I'd like to see her fail. She deserves every bit of that success.

So, why am I overthinking? Perhaps because I suddenly realized that I still have a lot of things to do in order to prove to myself that I'm better than anyone else.

I started 2017 with a very positive outlook. I got a new job, a new set of friends and new tasks to work on. I would really like to sustain this kind of momentum but after last week, I'm finding it hard to get back on track.

I'm happy that I never run out of work opportunities. I even have a couple of part-time jobs. But every time I feel like I'm in a competition and that I'm on the losing end, I easily get discouraged.

Going back to that question, Fr. Jun advised us to answer it to ourselves: What makes you happy?

According to Fr. Jun, there are four levels of happiness - happiness in things, happiness in you, happiness in others and happiness in the goodness of God. I won't go through each of the four levels because they're obviously self-explanatory.

I tried to apply this concept in my life and I think I'm still on the first level - happiness in things. Why? Because I still find it hard to be satisfied with my achievements. I'm still not confident. In my mind, I'm belittling myself.

I know that this isn't right. I know that I should be the first one to believe in my own capabilities. But, what can I do?

I want to be happy. I want to be genuinely happy. So, what really makes me happy then?

I'm not sure. Peace of mind because I overthink a lot? To become a successful person? To be rich? To have a family of my own? To have a partner who'll love me unconditionally? I really don't know.

Lord,

I know I've got the most complex human brain out there. I'm sorry if I complicate things a lot. But, I also know that you have a purpose why you created me this way.

Lord, help me understand when things start to become very complex and confusing. Give me the wisdom to decide which way to go. 

Amen.

At Home at Greenbelt Chapel

Greenbelt Chapel | Credit: Silkenhut.com

This is my second straight Sunday that I heard a mass at the Sto. Niño de Paz Community Greenbelt Chapel. I'm starting to feel at home here. Rev. Fr. Jun Sescon, Jr. is becoming a family to me even though we haven't been introduced personally yet.

These past few weeks, I've been struggling a lot in almost all aspects of my life. I'm so stressed at work due to an on-going project. I don't know where to get more money just so I could pay all my bills and help my family back at home. I can't find time to serve in SFC Loreto, my Christian community. I've lost interest in going through courtship just to search for my future partner. I don't even go out to meet new people and socialize. I am so lost.

In his homily, Fr. Jun said that we should check on the things that we give and accept in life. Life has a lot to offer and we should not accept all of it as is. If someone bullies you, ignore him. Don't let his negativity consumed you. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, ignore him. Look for people who can appreciate who you are. Do not let negative things control you. Learn to reject things and just accept those that would help you grow.

Fr. Jun Sescon Jr. | Credit: GreenbeltChapel.org

Back at work, there were times that I feel like I'm not worthy of all the tasks that I'm handling. It feels like I'm incapable to do such responsibilities. I've lost count all those times that I've wanted to quit. In times like these, Fr. Jun said, "shake it off!"

If you're too stressed and is unable to think straight, shake it off! This would allow you to see what's important versus those that are just there to challenge you. Sometimes, all we need is for someone to lead us back to our track.

Yes, I have a lot of concerns. I can't resolve all of them by quitting and starting all over. While starting anew feels like more convenient, unresolved problems in the past will continue to haunt you in the future. I should know that. I've got a lot of them that they bother me at night as I go to sleep.

Fr. Jun also reminded us of the material possessions that we have. That it should not dictate who we are.

More than the titles that we have, the money in our bank accounts, the business and investments we may have built up throughout the years, the cars that we drive, the house that we go to at the end of the day, the phones that we use, more than every single thing that we have acquired on earth, our characters should still be intact. Our character is who we are. And that should not change even when we start dressing up with all the branded clothes that we have.

Fr. Jun said "Be careful. The things you own may actually own you."

We should not let our material things dictate who we are. It should not, in anyway, control our lives. We should be the one controlling them. We should be in control of our lives.

I've got a lot of work to do. I learned a lot tonight. While this may not help me resolve my current problems, it gave me another reason to believe that I will be able to conquer these.