Rude.

Today, I went home too tired. I only worked for four hours as I have to leave early to process the papers needed for my business. I thought it would only take me less than three hours but it took way more than that. I was just so exhausted!

Still, it's not an excuse to be rude especially to your loved ones. I know it's bad but I still did it. I blocked my girlfriend in FB and went on sending harsh messages to my family. That's too much, right? Regardless of what situation I'm in, I should've kept my composure.

I don't like people bugging me so when I say 'no', just stop. I'm not playing hard to get. I just want to be alone. I want to recharge. I need space. Is it too much to ask?

I'm really selfish. My family needs me now but I still chose to be the hard-headed kuya. I thought it would be best to let them know that I'm not happy doing the things they're forcing me to do. I want to teach them a lesson as if I'm the perfect man in the family.

I think this is the reason why I haven't tasted success yet. Perhaps, the Lord is trying to teach me a lesson through continuous struggles, defeats, and disappointments. He's probably trying to make me realize that more than the earthly desires that I've been praying, I need to have a heart for the people around me. Yes, I'm doing good things, but, it's just not enough especially if I'm not being a Christian to the people close to me.

Lord,

Why am I like this? Is it just because I'm human? Is it just because I'm wired to be like this? 

Why can't I control myself when I'm about to do bad things to people? 

Why can't I just be the ideal brother and son to my family, or boyfriend to my girlfriend? 

Open my eyes, Lord, to the sacrifices that they've been doing for me every single day. 

Touch my heart, Lord, whenever I feel like being rude and selfish. 

Help me to be the better Christian You want me to be.

Amen.