Recently, I've got so many rejections. I know I've been through a lot but one thing's for sure, I'm not yet immune to rejections. I still get disappointed. I still get hurt. It sure still affects me.
I've isolated myself for a couple of days. It wasn't my intention though. I just don't feel like reporting to work. Then, it felt good not leaving my room the whole day. I then decided to do the same the next day. And, the day after next. If I don't have a scheduled appointment today, I would've not left my room for the fourth day.
I'm probably blaming myself for all these rejections. Maybe if I have good credentials, people could easily say yes to my proposals. Maybe if I was born rich, I wouldn't have to push myself to be one. Maybe if I'm good at Math, I would've gotten that slot for my next Master's. Maybe if I was really intelligent, I wouldn't have to hard sell myself. I wouldn't have to push myself to the limits. I wouldn't have to experience all these struggles.
Struggles are inevitable. But these struggles are for losers. I mean, if I was smart enough, I don't have to go through these, right? I would've to brace challenges that have more sense than these.
Or, maybe I think highly of myself too much. Maybe I should start lowering my expectations. But that would mean a mediocre me. I've always been a mediocre so adjusting my expectation down to this level would not help me at all.
I really don't know what to do now. I just kept moving forward hoping that I'm still on track. I can't afford to get off track again but I also can't afford to delay a brighter tomorrow if I will just stop now.
Lord,
I know You've been following me. You've probably noticed how confused I am recently. I don't know why I'm getting so many rejections. I mean, there's got to be a limit for these, right?
If these are just Your challenges, they're really tough ones. I can get through these. It's hard, really hard. But I'm counting on You. Strengthen my heart.
Amen.
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