Burden.

Why does it feel like you're such a burden. You're supposed to help and support me but you're making things more difficult.

Am I really being unfair to you? Or you're just too self-centered that you want me to be more considerate of your lapses?

Lord,

This relationship is getting bad day by day. Open my eyes to see things from a bigger perspective. Perhaps, I'm just clouded with my emotions. Help me understand  her point of view because right now, she's just really dragging me down.

Amen. 

Lolo.

Help even when you also need one.


I'm struggling financially but something in me still approached a senior citizen who seemed problematic outside McDonald's earlier when I was having my lunch. I ended up buying his meal.

I'm not bragging about what I did. I kind of feel like he needed me. And that, despite having so many problems of my own, I felt him. I can relate to his struggles.

Perhaps, I was used to be his angel at that time. Perhaps, he's been desperately praying for someone to help him. He was not even begging to anyone. He was just seated outside, eyes closed, holding his tummy. I instantly knew that he needed me but I hesitated for a couple of minutes. I don't want him to be offended. But, upon realizing that he has no one ordering food for him, I went outside and talked to him.

Sometimes, we're being called to do things that are beyond us. I don't like giving alms not only because they could just be part of a syndicate, but also because I don't have any money to spare. But this time, I was called to help this lolo because I felt the need to do so. It was as if I was him.

Lord,

I know that I'm not perfect. That I judge people based on their acts. That I have trust issues. That I'm selfish. That I'm not being Christian most of the time. But, I thank You for opening my eyes to these realities. I thank You for using me to be a blessing to others even if I myself is also desperately praying hard for a blessing.

Grant me, Lord, the patience that I needed to wait for Your right time. Shower me the endurance so that I can withstand all these challenges.  

I am still waiting, Lord. I will continue to hold on to Your plans for me.

Amen.

Rejecting Rejections

Recently, I've got so many rejections. I know I've been through a lot but one thing's for sure, I'm not yet immune to rejections. I still get disappointed. I still get hurt. It sure still affects me.

I've isolated myself for a couple of days. It wasn't my intention though. I just don't feel like reporting to work. Then, it felt good not leaving my room the whole day. I then decided to do the same the next day. And, the day after next. If I don't have a scheduled appointment today, I would've not left my room for the fourth day.

I'm probably blaming myself for all these rejections. Maybe if I have good credentials, people could easily say yes to my proposals. Maybe if I was born rich, I wouldn't have to push myself to be one. Maybe if I'm good at Math, I would've gotten that slot for my next Master's. Maybe if I was really intelligent, I wouldn't have to hard sell myself. I wouldn't have to push myself to the limits. I wouldn't have to experience all these struggles.

Struggles are inevitable. But these struggles are for losers. I mean, if I was smart enough, I don't have to go through these, right? I would've to brace challenges that have more sense than these.

Or, maybe I think highly of myself too much. Maybe I should start lowering my expectations. But that would mean a mediocre me. I've always been a mediocre so adjusting my expectation down to this level would not help me at all.

I really don't know what to do now. I just kept moving forward hoping that I'm still on track. I can't afford to get off track again but I also can't afford to delay a brighter tomorrow if I will just stop now.

Lord,

I know You've been following me. You've probably noticed how confused I am recently. I don't know why I'm getting so many rejections. I mean, there's got to be a limit for these, right?

If these are just Your challenges, they're really tough ones. I can get through these. It's hard, really hard. But I'm counting on You. Strengthen my heart.

Amen.