Thursday, August 4, 2016
Strangers Again
What was that?!? I was seriously shocked to see you again. When was the last time we saw each other? Was it 2008? Oh my God! I really didn't expect seeing you there.
I was on my way to the buffet area after the speaker wrapped up the session. I was really sleepy. I don't have enough sleep as always. While the talk is interesting, there were times that my eyes just want to close for a while and rest.
But things are about to change. The moment I saw you, my eyes got bigger. Surprised to see you there, I literally lost for words and had to snob you as I passed by you going to the buffet area. It was really not my intention but I just don't know what to do. My world just stopped there. It feels like I was floating.
There was no feeling of hatred nor happiness. It was more of a confused me. I was really caught off guard. I just don't know what to feel, or how to react with that sudden turn of event.
To be honest, I have been practicing before how should I act if we bumped into each other again. Those were the days that I still hope that we could still be together. Don't get me wrong. I'm done with that phase. I've accepted that seven years after our relationship, things are a lot different now, way different than before.
You actually didn't change at all. You looked exactly that same person I fell in love with eight years ago. Your pictures in Facebook are saying the truth. Physically, you still have that gorgeous look that captured me.
I'm an idiot, I know. Why did I just let that happen. I should've approached you, right? I should've took the first step. I should've said my 'hi', 'hello' or anything that could start a conversation. I should've took that opportunity to talk to you, to stare at you or perhaps to hug you. I missed you so much! :(
We were just looking at each other, slowly, until I passed by you. We were both confused whether we should greet each other. We were trying to assess each other. Should I call you? Do you even still remember me? Until I passed by you. Until I was walking away from you. I turned my back. I did not look back because I was so afraid you wouldn't do the same.
Isaiah 55:8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, my ways are not your ways, says Yahweh.
I really missed you. I don't know why the Lord allowed this to happen. Knowing that I've been struggling emotionally these past few days, why would He even let our paths crossed? He knows that I still have some unfinished business with you yet He allowed this to happen?
Or maybe He was giving me another chance to talk to you and have some closure. Unfortunately, I'm being stupid. I let that moment passed as if nothing happened, as if we're both strangers.
Lord,
Why? Why did you not even give a single clue? Why does it have to be a surprise? I could've prepared for that. I could've done something, right? But, why?
I just want to understand, Lord. If this is part of your plan, I would be happy to play along with it. Lol! You know how much I missed that person. You know how special that person is to me.
I won't expect too much, Lord. I've hurt so much. This person brought so much pain in my life that up until now I've been struggling to accept.
But, I would still would like to thank you, Lord. If my calculation is right, those eight years of praying and hoping that we'll meet again was finally answered. It may not turned out to be what exactly I would've wanted it to happen, at least, it happened.
I don't know, Lord, if you just want me to be inspired. I'm not really sure if this would help. I'm thankful that you woke me up from my dying spirit.
Again, I won't expect too much. That might just be our last time seeing each other in person. But if You are feeling generous again, Lord, just please give me a sign. I looked terrible earlier. I looked wasted. Just let me prepare myself for that next meet up so I'm confident to do my first move.
Amen.
Wednesday, August 3, 2016
On Making Wise Decisions Daily
Proverbs 19:21 Plans abound in the human heart but only Yahweh's purpose will be realized.
I'm starting to lose it again. I really can't handle stress and am such an emotionally unstable dude. I know I've been here several times and I still don't know how to control myself. I'm hopeless!
I'm almost 30. Yikes! While I can't argue with some people that I look
I really don't know what to do with my life. I'm so confused.
Sometimes I envy the people who don't have much responsibilities. The ones who just rely with their parents or siblings to live. All they have to do is wait while I have to work hard every single day.
There's this viral video in Facebook that tells about the meaning of the song Row your boat. Watch it below:
You choose how to see life. Every morning when you wake up, you can either say: Good morning, God! or Good God, morning.
I know that this is God's message for me today. That I have options on how I should see my life. I can choose to be happy in the same way that I can choose to be miserable. Yet, I always chose to be miserable.
Lord,
I know that you always talk to me. I know that you're there every single second of my life. I know that you witness all my decisions and that I keep on disappointing you because I always choose to be sad. I always choose to worry and overthink.
I don't know why you created me to be like this, Lord. I'm not normal. I know that. I can see how different I am. I know that you consider me special. Whatever plan you have for me, Lord, help me understand that. Because right now, I'm very much confused. Things are just really blurry ahead.
Lord, I know that you have the best plan for my life. Fill my heart with the desire to fulfill it. To experience your best plan. To enjoy the best life you've reserved for me.
Thank you, Lord, for always listening to me - through my unspoken words and whispers of my heart.
Amen.
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