Strangers Again

What was that?!? I was seriously shocked to see you again. When was the last time we saw each other? Was it 2008? Oh my God! I really didn't expect seeing you there.

I was on my way to the buffet area after the speaker wrapped up the session. I was really sleepy. I don't have enough sleep as always. While the talk is interesting, there were times that my eyes just want to close for a while and rest.

But things are about to change. The moment I saw you, my eyes got bigger. Surprised to see you there, I literally lost for words and had to snob you as I passed by you going to the buffet area. It was really not my intention but I just don't know what to do. My world just stopped there. It feels like I was floating.

There was no feeling of hatred nor happiness. It was more of a confused me. I was really caught off guard. I just don't know what to feel, or how to react with that sudden turn of event.

To be honest, I have been practicing before how should I act if  we bumped into each other again. Those were the days that I still hope that we could still be together. Don't get me wrong. I'm done with that phase. I've accepted that seven years after our relationship, things are a lot different now, way different than before.

You actually didn't change at all. You looked exactly that same person I fell in love with eight years ago. Your pictures in Facebook are saying the truth. Physically, you still have that gorgeous look that captured me.

I'm an idiot, I know. Why did I just let that happen. I should've approached you, right? I should've took the first step. I should've said my 'hi', 'hello' or anything that could start a conversation. I should've took that opportunity to talk to you, to stare at you or perhaps to hug you. I missed you so much! :(

We were just looking at each other, slowly, until I passed by you. We were both confused whether we should greet each other. We were trying to assess each other. Should I call you? Do you even still remember me? Until I passed by you. Until I was walking away from you. I turned my back. I did not look back because I was so afraid you wouldn't do the same.

Isaiah 55:8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, my ways are not your ways, says Yahweh.

I really missed you. I don't know why the Lord allowed this to happen. Knowing that I've been struggling emotionally these past few days, why would He even let our paths crossed? He knows that I still have some unfinished business with you yet He allowed this to happen?

Or maybe He was giving me another chance to talk to you and have some closure. Unfortunately, I'm being stupid. I let that moment passed as if nothing happened, as if we're both strangers.

Lord,

Why? Why did you not even give a single clue? Why does it have to be a surprise? I could've prepared for that. I could've done something, right? But, why?

I just want to understand, Lord. If this is part of your plan, I would be  happy to play along with it. Lol! You know how much I missed that person. You know how special that person is to me.

I won't expect too much, Lord. I've hurt so much. This person brought so much pain in my life that up until now I've been struggling to accept.

But, I would still would like  to thank you, Lord. If my calculation is right, those eight years of praying and hoping that we'll meet again was finally answered. It may not turned out to be what exactly I would've wanted it to happen, at least, it happened.

I don't know, Lord, if you just want me to be inspired. I'm not really sure if this would help. I'm thankful that you woke me up from my dying spirit.

Again, I won't expect too much. That might just be our last time seeing each other in person. But if You are feeling generous again, Lord, just please give me a sign. I looked terrible earlier. I looked wasted. Just let me prepare myself for that next meet up so I'm confident to do my first move.

Amen.